How to Support Employees Through Baby Loss at Work
Baby loss is far more common than many workplaces realise, and for many people, that grief is something they carry quietly while trying to carry on at work. Miscarriage alone affects around one in four pregnancies, yet it remains something many colleagues and managers feel unsure about responding to.
Knowing why people stay silent about loss at work, and what managers and colleagues can do when someone is going through it, can make a difference. Baby Loss Awareness Week is a good moment to start that conversation.
What Baby Loss Awareness Week is, and why it matters at work
Baby Loss Awareness Week is a natural moment for employers to think about how they support their people, and how visible their commitment to fertility in the workplace really is. Baby Loss Awareness Week runs from 9 to 15 October each year, coordinated by Sands and the Baby Loss Awareness Alliance. It’s a week for families and communities to come together, remember babies lost too soon, and help break the silence that still surrounds pregnancy and baby loss.
The week closes with the Wave of Light on 15 October at 7pm, when families around the world light a candle and leave it burning for at least one hour in memory of their baby.
For employers, even simply acknowledging the week can send a powerful message to staff that loss is recognised here, and that they don’t have to hide what they’re going through.
Why so many people grieve baby loss in silence at work
Pregnancy loss is common, and in any sizeable workplace it is likely that someone has been through it, is going through it now, or will in the future. Yet research from Miscarriage UK found that 57% of people received no formal workplace support after disclosing their loss, and 79% were not made aware of their pregnancy-related sickness rights. Four in five respondents were employed at the time.
Those numbers tell a clear story. Many people choose not to tell their employer at all. Some worry about how it might affect their career. Others feel that the loss is too personal to talk about at work. And many simply do not know how their workplace would respond.
People going through fertility challenges, treatment and loss often keep the whole experience hidden from their employer. When someone feels unable to be open about something that significant, it can quietly affect their trust, their connection to the team, and how long they stay.
What to say to a colleague or employee after baby loss
This is often the part people find hardest. When someone you work with has experienced baby loss, the most important thing is to acknowledge what has happened. Saying nothing because you’re worried about getting the words wrong can sometimes feel, to the person grieving, as though their loss has gone unnoticed.
Simple things you can say:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know I care.”
- “Take whatever time you need. There is no rush.”
Phrases to avoid:
- “At least you know you can get pregnant.” This can minimise the loss.
- “Everything happens for a reason.” This can feel dismissive to someone who is grieving.
- “At least it was early.” Loss at any stage is significant. Attachment can begin from the moment of a positive test.
- “You can always try again.” For someone in the middle of grief, or facing fertility challenges, this can be particularly painful.
The IVFN’s guide on what not to say to someone who has miscarried goes into more detail on the language that can help and the language that can hurt.
Practical ways to support a grieving member of staff
Words matter, but practical support can make a real difference too. Here are some ways to support someone who is grieving:
- Be flexible: Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, so workplace expectations may need to be flexible too. Allow time off, adjusted hours, or remote working without making the person feel they need to justify what they need.
- Check in without prying: A simple “How are you doing?” with no expectation of a detailed answer can go a long way. Let them decide how much they want to share.
- Protect them from admin: Having to chase HR for forms or work through policies while grieving can add unnecessary stress. Take some of that pressure off their plate wherever possible.
- Signpost support quietly: Let them know what support is available, such as employee assistance programmes, counselling or peer communities, without putting pressure on them to use it.
- Remember that grief is not linear: Someone may seem fine for weeks and then have a difficult day around an anniversary, due date or a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. Showing compassion months later can matter just as much as it does on day one.
Supporting someone returning to work after baby loss
Returning to work is rarely a straightforward process. For some people it can bring a sense of routine or relief, while for others it can feel daunting. Those feelings can change from one day to the next.
Here are some ways to make the return a little easier:
- Have a conversation before the first day back: Ask what they need, whether a phased return would help, and what their workload should look like during the first few weeks.
- Plan the first day carefully: Agree who knows what, so the person doesn’t have to answer questions or explain their absence repeatedly.
- Ease the workload: Coming back to a full inbox and packed diary can feel overwhelming. Lighten the load where you can.
- Keep checking in: Support should continue well beyond the first week. A quick, low-pressure check-in a month or two later can show that you have not forgotten.
The IVFN has an on-demand video on returning to work after miscarriage and baby loss, offering support for members navigating this transition.
Building a workplace where loss is met with compassion
Marking Baby Loss Awareness Week is a meaningful start, but the real goal is to create a workplace culture where people feel supported through loss all year round.
A compassionate, fertility fair employer is one where staff know they can be open about what they are going through without fear. It’s a workplace where managers feel equipped to respond with care, and where policies exist not just on paper, but in practice.
That kind of culture doesn’t happen by accident. It takes awareness, training, and a genuine commitment to fertility in the workplace.
If Baby Loss Awareness Week has prompted you to think about how your organisation supports staff through baby loss, start by looking at what is already in place. Talk to your people’s team. Ask whether your managers would know what to say and do if someone came to them with this news.
The IVFN works with employers across the UK to build workplaces where fertility support for employees is part of the culture, rather than something treated as an afterthought. If you would like to explore what that could look like for your organisation, it’s a conversation worth having.
