[Linda Gillham]

Hello, and thank you for your questions.
1. The end of the year can be such a difficult time for people on fertility journeys because it may mark the end of another year without success, especially when everyone around you seems to be celebrating. Grief is something that changes us inherently and not something we can just ‘get over’. Talking is one of the best ways to process grief, be that with a trusted friend or a fertility counsellor, processing the past and also focusing on the future can be a way of accepting what has happened throughout the year.
2. Feelings of resentment are absolutely natural, and yet many people’s internal critical voice tells them they are a horrible person for not feeling happy when a pregnancy is announced, or feeling jealousy (often perceived as a ‘bad’ emotion). Ultimately you feel how you feel, and however that is, it’s OK. Again, talking this through with someone you trust can help you process these types of emotions.
3. Anxiety waiting for results can feel really tough. A combination of grounding techniques and self regulation techniques can help you to stay in the here and now and tolerate the anxiety. The hand on heart technique and the butterfly hug and two great techniques to help soothe you. Both have videos of how to do them on you tube.
4. Self-kindness is everything on a fertility journey, if you find yourself criticising yourself you can use techniques based in CBT, such as asking yourself is that a thought, a fact or an opinion? (It’s often ‘just’ a thought). If you find yourself doing too much, trying to please those around you, try out some of the grounding techniques mentioned above to get you into the here and now.